Dear Boylstonite,
How lucky you are, how very fortunate, your dirty old winter ground is covered in beautiful white, pure white, not flawed by nasty mud or left over leaves from last fall. 9.6 inches, 6 inches, who cares... it's there and they can't take the memories away from you now or ever. What I wouldn't give to have 6 inches of snow. What have we got? So, it's in the 80s, so, we have balmy breezes, we can't shovel 80 degree weather, we can't make snow angels out of balmy breezes. And our cars can't slide from one side of the road to another just because it wants to. We can't ice skate, we can't ski, we can't have a snowball fight. We don't get to feel the comfort and security of heavy fleece lined jackets. And, boots... when did we last have an opportunity to put on a great pair of boots and slosh around in the snow and slush.
No, here we have snowbirds, people who don't know how good they have it up there. The snowbirds clog up our parking lots and restaurants, fill our hospitals and pitch a fit because all we want of them is their money. We have Florida birds, long necked things that sit around and look wonderful... we even have Florida birds that think heaven is eating bugs out of cow pies. We have beaches, but they don't drift. We have lakes and ponds full of fish, but you can't snow mobile on them. We have islands, but their surrounded by water you can't drink. And, we have Geezers. We like Geezers, in fact we are Geezers, but, how many times is it fun to watch when they get confused and hit the gas pedal instead of the brake, or cause gridlock at the local buffet. I mean how long is it before one tires of hearing about hernias and cataracts and how they have to send away to Canada for their meds.
And what do we southern folk hear from you Yankees? We get a litany of complaints about the weather... Well, folks, all I hear from you New England Yankees is how you love the four seasons. "Oh, I would miss the seasons... I love the fall colors, the spring, what can I say about the spring, it brings life and new hope, and summer, I love summer, all three months of it... and winter, how I love to burn oil at $4.00 a gallon, shovel 6 inches of snow in March and 20 inches in October. I would really miss all this if I ever left." You send us Christmas Cards with pictures of snow on them, you email us pictures of snow. Why do you do this, obviously you love snow. I guess that's alright, heck there are people in this world who eat warm water lobster and like it. It's tough for us to understand, but it happens.
But, one day, after shoveling another 12 inches of snow you visit the chiropractor and he or she will give you an “adjustment” (that don't work by the way) and you visit the bone doctor so, hopefully, you can stand up straight again and after paying another $1,000.00 oil bill, you're going to forget all that you love and desire of Yankee life... You'll forget you love the snow, and the thought will come into your mind that 93 degree heat and 98% humidity can't be all bad... you'll consider that having ravenous alligators or poisonous snakes in your back yard a normal part of life. You'll hire a moving company, pack up all your furniture and head to Florida, God's waiting room, to live out your last days. And during your first winter down here, all you'll hear from your friends and family back home is how awful the snow is. Then and only then will you ever realize just how great it really was back home with its four seasons because down here we only get one and a half seasons... and hurricanes.
But, we wish you well, and to show that we can be absolutely fair about New England Life, here is a little something to set your heart a flutter...
I will leave you now. I hope I have set your thinking straight. Snow is your friend, snow is New England, snow, the glue that holds all hearty New Englanders together.
God Bless you in your shoveling,
Dave
